In the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by relationship counsellor and American author John Gray states the two sexes could not be more different. The most common relationship problems between the sexes are a result of fundamental psychological differences between the genders.
Having been married 18 years to the same beautiful woman I understand where the author is coming from (That woman by the way is Heather McMillan and according to Gray's book this single line of text should give me a point in my wife's mind). I see and do things radically different than my wife and sometimes we have the ability to drive one another crazy. We're no different than any other couple anywhere else in the world.
But lately I've found myself in situations that no man should ever be in. I've become the 'fly on the wall' so to speak overhearing conversations I shouldn't be hearing. And men, we're not looking good.
A few weeks ago I was at the grocery store with Heather. We do this mundane task together because it gets us out of the house alone where we can talk unedited, no worries of teenagers overhearing what we say or complain about. It's not a date, it's just an excuse to be together and we like it.
As we were standing in the checkout line the woman in front of us looked up at me while she was bagging her groceries.
"How did you get him out of the house?" she asked Heather. "It's hard enough to get my husband to do anything let alone drag him out to the grocery store."
"Oh he doesn't mind," Heather said looking at me with a smile.
"I'm glad my husband doesn't come with me," said the woman standing behind us. "If he helped we'd end up spending twice as much."
I kept my head down for one simple reason -- I didn't want to get involved in the conversation because clearly I was outnumbered. And glancing around I didn't see very many men I could reach out to for help if I got into trouble!
When we got back to the car I turned to Heather and asked, "What was that about?"
"Clearly they're not happy with their husbands," she said.
"And me?" I asked.
"You're doing fine," she said.
A few days later I walked into the lunchroom at work where three female colleagues were sitting. I was heating up some soup when the women started talking about lunches and their husbands. The men in their lives apparently do nothing to help out and that included making lunches. One husband that very morning dropped a light bulb on the kitchen floor and rather than clean it up he left a Post-it note on the refrigerator door warning his wife to watch her bare feet.
"Yup, you could put a different head on the same stupid body," one of them said. Turning around she saw me standing there patiently waiting for the microwave to heat up my soup and said, "We're talking about our husbands, not you Ian."
Now I realize in both these situations I was not the men these women were complaining about. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I wasn't meant to hear those complaints but I did.
So what do I do with this information? Well first off I learn from it. I do help with the groceries but I have to admit Heather makes the lunches. But I'm not a stranger to brown bagging it. I have pitched in and made my fair share of sandwiches. I've even made my own lunch from time to time (GASP!).
What I can't do with this information is change any other husbands' attitudes. If you're married to a dumbass who does nothing to help out around the house he's your problem. Talk to him, convince him it's not a good idea to leave broken glass on the kitchen floor despite the fact he warned you about it with a Post-it note!
Maybe if more husbands heard their wives complaining about them in public like I did on these two occasions they'd smarten up, help out, put a smile on their lovely wives' faces.
Or maybe they'd shrug, crack open another beer and continue watching the ball game.
We may behave like we come from two different planets but at the end of the day it's up to us to all get along on Planet Earth.
Or get divorced.
Now I wonder where my wife keeps the bread?!?
